Personal Update Time

Is it that time already?
Yes, I guess it is.

So, I'm on medication now.

Ari- something. I can't remember it as it's got a ridiculously long and convoluted name.

Yes, that, exactly, that.

The pills are pink, and right before you down them, they taste like vanilla.

I'm taking one a day, before bed, and they're making me tired in the mornings and lethargic throughout the entirety of that day, unless I'm doing heavy work or exercise, and then only for as long as that's going on (though today they made me feel very hyper until I worked out). That's still better than what it did at the start of the adaptation period, which was make me feel very numb all day long, with heavy legs and arms and no interest in doing anything at all, except napping. As it was very sunny then, I mostly laid my ass smack-dab in the rays and dozed. I tanned a lot.

I've been sleeping irregularly, but that was the case even before the meds. Now I wake up at pretty much all hours on a bad night, and on the good ones I only wake up around somewhere between 3 and 4. You know what time that is, don't you? I mentioned it before.

I've got a short story around here somewhere; Premature Noxia, by 'Horror Master' Thomas Tessier; that deals with a man who wakes up every night at the same time.
I want to read it, but also really not. It's silly, but I just know that when I then wake up I'm going to be thinking about it, and if the story's well written, well then, in the middle of the night, tired and annoyed, thinking about whatever that story might offer, might wake me up more than I would want. Not to mention the possible scare-factor. It's probably not that good though, like probably not as good as the Ritual novel which seriously creeped me out when I was trying to sleep on the night I first read it.

Anyway, these days, not even at the end of the adaptation period, the meds, besides making me slightly lethargic throughout and overly tired in the morning, allow me to move past hang-ups and open up, in speech, in person, in a way that's rather new and pleasant. I worry less, and there don't seem to be much, if any, blocks where my brain just seems to halt and shut down, or where it convulses in upon itself like a turtle coming into close contact with a red-hot razor.
I think it's boostin my confidence by taking away inhibition or something. It allows me to make a fool of myself without a problem. That's actually kind of nice, you know, not worrying about it all the time. Self-awareness gets pushed back a bit.

As this is primarily a narcissism post, here's a pic of me with a mohawk.

I did say I wanted to do something crazy with my hair, but that was already after I had done it.

I shaved that off really quickly though. I'm thinking about letting it just grow back like that now.

We'll see. This is mostly idle thoughts, really. Inhibitions out the window and all that.

Though I am interested in doing stuff, like reading, and writing about books, I find I don't have much willpower to start it, though I did do a post today. It doesn't feel as if that isn't part of the medication, so I'm putting that squarely on its pink little curves. When I start writing or the blog, there's a constant pull on my attention. I'm not absorbed as I used to be. But as long as I keep going, the words keep spilling out. But it takes a lot of effort.

The pills are making me restless, in mind and body. I want to read, but I barely can, except when I'm moving a little, or when I'm contorting myself every few seconds. I've somehow got a nasty ache in my back this week, so that might have something to do with that. I have little or no attention for movies or games, even though Nioh's combat system is engrossing and reasonably rewarding, in spite of its lackluster story. I might just not be into the whole Japanese aesthetic, I'm not sure.

So, when all my traditional ways of passing the time have fallen temporarily by the wayside, what's there left to do in the dull hours then?

How about something new?

For some reason, I've begun to occasionally paint my face, with children's parties face paint, as it's easy to wash off.

You'll likely have already seen the updated profile picture, based on Simon Davis' version of Slaine, but then in blue, because that is my favourite colour. I never used it in the thematic layout for the blog, because blue on a computer screen is generally a hideous affair.

There's also some obvious inspiration from Vikings here: something in imitation of Ragnar's side-raven, because he is Odinsson, after all, and below somewhat like Floki, but over the top, with black and red added into the mix.

Hey, don't crap on it. I'm very new at this, and this is probably very temporary until the meds allow me to keep focused on shit again. Right now it's giving me something that I can't get any other way.

Some way to deal with subconscious stress, some sort of instant-improvement while I force myself to be calm and restful while my back and left leg heal themselves, maybe it's a new outpouring of creative energy, or a way to deal with the frustration of constant lethargy, I don't know.

Maybe it's the madness displaying itself without, after having seeped through the skin. It's got no place to go so it's made manifest during a few hours each evening, when I'm alone and can let it all out. Whatever. Point is: for now I'm enjoying it.

We're also getting a new dog, from Portugal, in a week or two. Her name is Saffy or something. I'm looking forward to meeting her. The house has been without the padding of paws for too long since our old lovable couch potato of a bitch died, and I've missed it, and her. I need something to lavish some love on too, maybe.

We'll see how that goes, it'll be a slow but rewarding process, no doubt. I should spend more words on this, but the truth is I'm not thinking about it so much. I'm still very aware of all my own shit to be too worried about what's coming. 

Tomorrow I'm going to go to Nieuwpoort and stay in a little home for a few days. I plan on seeing, sitting and reading by the ocean. I was going to have Summer of Night finished before starting something new, but that's not going to happen. It's either going to be continue reading that, or finally read the gorgeous new book below. Expect some pictures of my little holiday somewhere next week.

I'm taking a camera and my smartphone for pictures but I'll be leaving my pc behind because if you're going on a holiday, why would you even want to stay connected to the world? This time's all about me, peeps. See you next week.