Post-Aripiprazole Update

So, it's time for one of these again.

Let's get the obligatory narcissism picture out of the way. 

Look at me I'm so pretty.

I've got contacts now. They're horrible for pc; blogging, general reading and gaming though so I only put 'em on when I go out or when I'm working. So, pretty much only when I'm working then. Which means that at around 180 euros for 6 months or so, profitable this is not. But this also means they'll probably last longer than they would for most people. Hurray, I guess?

Alright, with that out of the way, let's talk about some of the stuff I might blog about: the genre stuff.

You already know it but I'm reading the Witcher books and taking a general laissez-faire attitude to thinking about them. This is pure escapism right now, back to the old ways. Which means that there's less of a compulsion to do a full in-depth write-up which in turn means that there's less content I'm working on behind the scenes. From the start I've tried to keep the book posts down to a few paragraphs but that resolution has almost never survived contact with the ideas present after reading a book. I think I somewhat got it with Summer of Night though. That book deserved way more but because of the medication I managed to keep it down quite easily. There's still a little niggle there though. Could've, should've maybe? An aspect of the caring less probably... hmmm.

About that by the way: I'm off the meds.

After a month and a half of trying, I finally threw in the towel. 14 hours of sleep a day on average just wasn't really my thing. I was tired all the time and didn't feel like doing much of anything.  Paradoxically, they imbued me, my limbs, with a nervous energy, a desire to go out, to move forward, to evolve, to make headway, some how, some way. They're probably perfect for people who are more outgoing. Whenever I was with someone, things were pretty great. They took away my fears and in general made me less inhibited when talking to people, which was easy and relaxing and made me feel like new roads were opening up. But they also dampened my emotions, mainly the bad, but also the good, and more importantly; my empathy.
There came a moment, when I was watching a movie, I think it was You Were Never Really Here when I thought to myself, this moment should be making me cry, and I didn't. There was the feeling but it was dumbed down. It didn't reach my eyes, didn't reach my mouth, didn't let me disappear inside my chosen escapism, it was all so very constrained. With people too, I felt them less. I wasn't me in the way that I used to be, the way that I was proud to be: my empathical self; the emotional viewer/ reader/ listener. There's less chance to worry and care about others when you're cripplingly tired.
So really, mainly, chiefly, above everything else, it was the way it made me feel tired all the time that made me decide to quit taking it.

It probably did some good though. Some time off for my mind, which had been taking up casual residence more and more in one of the more widely visited districts of the common household psychosis. (I'm downplaying things, obviously. There were serious problems.)
Telling yourself it's all different than what you feel doesn't really help. These things need to be given some support from outside as well. That appears to be what I got. I hope it's been enough. I could do with some stability for a while.

It's also nice to be able to drink some alcohol again.

So, doubling back a little, I've been reading the Witcher, which overall has been rather clever and hugely entertaining to read. I'm now at the Sword of Destiny short story. Chronologically that's book 2 short story 5.
There's so far been a surprisingly large focus on the theme of love, its problems, its joys, its everything. It's all written so well, with such feeling that I must confess that it's liable to make one quite lonely. I came here for some monster hunting damnit, why are you giving me all these emotions!?

Speaking of monster hunting, I've picked up Monster Hunter World, which is more than decent enough to wile away a few hours with. Though I confess I'm getting bloody tired of the flying monsters. Give me the good old-fashioned 2- or 4-legged assholes every time.

Here's me flawlessly *cough* using one of the newer weapons to murder a defenceless raptor-thing.
Don't mind the man-thong, I swear I didn't pick it for its looks.

Here's the awesome Odogaron fight with a hammer.
I got super lucky here pretty much constantly. But some of it is definitely skill as I'm an old hand at hammers

And the Odogaron fight with a longsword.

Same same, but different.

The name's Berek, from Berek Halfhand, the legendary hero of the Land, in the time before Thomas Covenant (Chronicles of). It's pretty much always been my name in the Monster Hunter games, that or Beren or Hannes something or other. Tolkien and The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, the two big epic series of my formative years.
I must say, I still prefer the Land over Middle Earth. Even though Middle Earth now has a million facets of colourful representation these days. The Land has always felt more vibrant to me. And since Covenant is a bit of a twat, especially early on, Berek it is.

My current Guild Card

Then, mostly during the weaning process of the medication (you know; gotta watch those panic attacks), I also binge-watched the Punisher which I thought was overall very good and very moody but occasionally quite slow in its, it must be said, rather methodical build-up, slow right up until the final episodes where there was so much blood and violence on the screen I spontaneously started tearing up with glee.

I'm not even exaggerating, it's been a while since my vengeance-bone has been tickled that thoroughly. I started giggling again when I took the above screen capture. Maybe it just makes me uncomfortable, I don't know but I doubt it, as we all seek to satisfy certain thrills, and the Punisher definitely manages to take it to another level, making you feel it all the while.

And lastly, I've finally started to continue reading ' The Mignola-verse'.
I was originally planning to do this super involved thing where I was going to do a post for every trade paperback, my favourite bad-ass piece of art for every issue but, thankfully, I've let that slide (mainly because that would inevitably constitute spoilers). I'm not a reviewer and giving you my rote impressions, filled with unimaginative hyperbole, didn't seem worth it, somehow.
I'm still following the Mignola-verse reading order though. this time the 2018 version, except I'm not re-reading anything Hellboy related except where his storyline is post Bride of Hell... meaning of course I haven't read Hellboy in Hell yet, and looking quite forward to doing so.
Right now I'm at BPRD volume 2 and it's all good. I prefer Mignola's or Stenbeck's art to the art that's on display here but what can you do; if you want an epic modern gothic where else are you going to go?